Sunday, 17 February 2013

Week 8: Can you feel that?

I'm a sensitive sort. I always have been.

I remember when I was still working in the corporate world and some colleagues were having interpersonal issues. Any time something 'came up', I would get cold, my heart would start to beat like crazy, and my stomach churned. The same thing happens if I hear my neighbours arguing or see an ambulance drive by, sirens wailing.

Being sensitive isn't something that bothers me; in fact, I feel as though it's simply who I am. It makes me, me. But I will admit to struggling at times with just being with the way I feel (sad, anxious, angry), rather than trying to feel differently.

As I type, I have a familiar sensation in my chest - I'm a little anxious. I look around my home and see utter chaos. We move this week. Everything is under control (really, I swear!) but still, the packing, cleaning and organising left to be done are weighing on me.

That seems like a fair way to feel, right? Moving is stressful, no doubt about it.

So what's the big deal? Well … I really need to work on being ok with how I feel – not trying to change it. When I'm happy, I'm just happy! When I'm sad, anxious, stressed, angry … these feelings aren't so easy to 'be' with.

I'm sure I've spent far too many moments of my life over-analysing my emotions, willing them to be different, pushing myself to 'get over it'. But my mum has always reminded me that sometimes we just have to feel what we're feeling. This is advice I've often passed onto friends. I believe it – absolutely; I just have to do it.

Our moods and emotions are ever changing, just like waves in the ocean. They come, they go; they ebb and flow. Nothing right, nothing wrong, just what is.

Week 8: I will feel what I'm feeling. No right and no wrong. Just what is.

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