Sunday, 7 April 2013

Week 15: It's all about me, me, me.

This morning I had a pile of dirty dishes to wash, a basket full of nappies to fold, a study full of boxes to unpack, a couple of bathrooms in need of cleaning, toys to pick up and put away, food to cook ... (I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point). So, while my son napped, I made the obvious choice: I did yoga.

It was perfect.

This week is all about me. You know, we always have these competing voices in our minds. This morning, one of mine was whispering harshly: "do the housework ... you HAVE to", while the other, rather tentatively, piped up to let me know that what I really needed was some time for me. Usually, in fact nine times out of 10, I listen to that first voice. But I no longer like it's tone, it's high-and-mighty 'should-pushing'.

My baby just turned one. Hard to believe a year has somehow passed, and yet here we are. In the past year, my son has slept through a handful of times. So I'm tired. Really tired. And I know I'm not alone. You don't have to have a baby, toddler or child to know what tired is (though it sure does help!), you simply have to live in this world of ours, where the pressure is on to do, perform, succeed. When do we stop and listen to what we really need? When do we give that tentative but supremely intelligent voice a go? Well, for me, I'm doing it now.

I'll be completely honest; I had an emotional week last week. The burden of sleepless nights sat heavily on my shoulders and it all became a bit too much. So I cried, and I lamented, and I wondered what I was doing wrong. I wondered if I should take my son back to sleep school or if I was being too soft giving into his cries. Then I cried some more. Then it hit me: I need to look after me! If I'm tired, maybe I should just go back to bed (once Lincoln is napping, of course) or do some yoga or simply sit and read a book. I don't HAVE to do the housework, I don't HAVE to always be doing.

This week I listen to that voice, the one that represents my heart. My mindfulness practice is about stripping back the should's and narrowing in on the needs. It's all about me, me, me. And I know I need it.

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